championoftime | [Video] (Dated to after everything is over)

[The Doctor is sitting against his TARDIS cross-legged. The journal is positioned in sort of an upshot as it's propped on his legs. His hat is off. Actually, he lost it in the hall, his umbrella too. No idea where they are. He might have the TARDIS make another. Right now, he's just sitting and holding a little plush animal. It looks like a baby toy, and resembles a bear with sabertooth fangs. It's actually a sehlat, but he doesn't know what in the cosmos it could be.

He still hurts, but he's been with the old girl long enough that most of the damage is sorted out.]

I thought... maybe, with my end, the worst of my actions would go with me. I didn't want to think they would carry on. [He turns the toy over to look at it's little nubby tail. For a moment, beady stuffed animal eyes and nose fill the screen, before he moves it away again.] I suppose we all have our nasty and unfortunate sides. Just as every one ought to have a good one.

For those of you I've not introduced myself to, I'm Dr. John Smith. [This time, he just leaves "the Doctor" off. He's obviously bothered at the moment, in a distant sort of way.] I can't guarantee you I'll do the right thing all the time. I'm far from perfect, but I'll make the attempt. [He sort of chuckles awkwardly to himself.] As if they need to be told that I'm not perfect. [He mutters this to the stuffed whatever, and he shakes his head and the bit of smile wanes.] I'd like to thank Billy for lending me a hand in the hallway. Quite noble of him. When I'm done here... I was wondering if there was someone that could point me in the direction of a little patch of sky where a weary old Time Lord might roam for the rest of his regeneration. It's an impossibility to return to my own universe without upsetting the balance and I'd like to have a distant shore that I could explore.

[He holds the stuffed animal up closer to his face.] I'm not quite sure what this is supposed to be. The TARDIS left it on the console. [He's more than a bit distracted and admittedly all over the place. Being thrown into walls by everything he ever feared about himself can do that to you.]

[Private to Rex and Tim]

I'm not leaving you. I simply need to know where I can go when it comes time for you to leave me.

[Private to the Infirmary]

I apologize for being absent for a bit. I did something very unintelligent. I'll make it up to you tomorrow when I'm better fit to move about.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Cups are in the cabinet, if you wouldn't mind getting one? [He offered with a quick smile. Because tea was good for settling the mind.]

[She'd have to stay, then, and again considered declining; but instead she stood to get them both mugs, returning with them and sitting again.]

[He waited until settled before pouring them both mugs.] To understand an emotion is to a control an emotion, whether you choose to experience it or disregard it. Being of a species that becomes far too emotional, I'm well acquainted with the concept.

[She watched him pour rather than meet his eyes at first.] Indeed, [she said, though it sounded a lot more like she was asking what his point was.]

And it's enough of a concern that when mentioned, causes obvious discomfort. So tell me about those short hours. [He offered her the cup.] The parts that make her memory pleasant first.

[Instinct told her to walk out; but listening to this particular instinct was illogical. Forcing herself to take the cup, T'Pol stared at him for a moment, hands curling around the mug.]

At a conference on Earth, almost a year ago, an injured woman gave me a vial containing a hair follicle. From that, our doctor was able to discern that it belonged to a child who shared my DNA, and [She wasn't sure just how much she wanted to confide, but omission had had its flaws in the past, so after a pause, she continued.] Commander Tucker's. She was created as a symbol for a xenophobic faction called Terra Prime. It was almost a day before I was able to see her.

[She left out the fact that she'd known the child was hers well before that, left out the mental link that had asserted itself in that time.] We were able to rescue her from the faction, but the process they used to create her was flawed. She died on Enterprise.

[She managed to say it evenly, though her throat grew tighter and tighter and her last word nearly cracked. It was like all the air had rushed from her lungs, and she fell silent.]

Edited 2011-01-17 05:07 (UTC)

[He listened intently as she told him about the conference. He recalled Commander Tucker from his arrival. That was a sad thing about xenophobia. He would have liked to have great-grandchildren that weren't adopted, actually. Susan would have deserved to have her own, but he was certain many Time Lords would be appalled at the idea.

He leaned forward despite the sharp pain that it sent up his back, looking interested.] Take a drink... Slowly. And then tell me more. Commander Tucker. I believe I recall him from our- you call it a mindmeld. He knew of the girl too and approved of her equally?

[She didn't want to take a drink, but it was a fair suggestion, and after a moment, she lifted the mug to her lips and drank. It loosened her throat, if nothing else. She nodded.]

Yes. [She didn't mention that he'd doubted her; she'd seen his reaction, when they'd found Elizabeth.] He cared deeply for her. [Watching him cry in her quarters had been more than enough proof for her.] We both tried to infiltrate Terra Prime to save her.

Have you discussed the matter with him, since? ...As he's here, and it seems like perhaps it would be something he would feel strongly about as well.

[She shook her head, then dropped her eyes to the mug.] He's nearly a year behind me. As far as he's concerned, we just buried her. I'd rather not put him though it again so soon. [Even if she kind of needs to.]

Even if it's fresh in his mind, it doesn't change it's value to him or his value to you. And if he's truly a worthwhile mate, it's in his better interests as well.

[He purses his lips tightly.] And I can verify to you... you could wait for perhaps decades, and the discomfort would not ebb for him. The empty space always remains.

[She only vaguely remembers what things were like before the Admiral honored her deal to bring Trip back; the sense of missing him is still there if she digs for it, even after all that time. It's uncomfortable.]

I've had a year. He's had considerably less time to deal with the loss. I don't-- [She pauses again, because she's fairly certain that if Soval were here, he'd disapprove of how human she sounds.] I've decided it's better to let him come to terms with it on his own.

Even if the possibility of trying again were presented to you, with greater security of success? [He tipped his head.] A proper genesmith would have little difficulty in arranging such a union. I wish my granddaughter had that option. Both of her children with a human were adopted.

I don't want a replacement for Elizabeth, [she said, and was surprised to find it was true. Well, surprised to find how much harder her voice was than she intended it to be. Staring at her cup again.]

We're both here for a reason, and when I leave, I will be returning to a war. The best thing for both of us is fulfilling our deals.

[Though she had no idea how they would be able to keep Elizabeth and so their jobs. She held some halfhearted hope that the Admiral would rewrite things again so that it was possible.]

Take another drink. [He said, reminding her. It was more an exercise in patience than it was alleviating thirst. He took one himself.]

But you do want her back?

[She felt a little bit like a child taking instructions, but the Doctor was one of a handful on board who was actually older than her. So she took another sip, shifting her grip on the cup.]

Yes, [she said when she lowered the mug again.] Very much. She was in perfect balance. Even in the end. If I had not met Spock here, I'm not certain I'd have believed reproduction between our species was possible.

Edited 2011-01-18 05:11 (UTC)

If you plan to have her back, then he should be involved in the plan. And there is always a way to make a family work. [He reaches out without bending forward and puts his hand on her shoulder.] You already possess two of the more important elements.

He is here for the same reason. [But she glanced up at the touch, finally looking at him again and not her cup. It was a testament to how unsettled she was, perhaps, but her brow creased.] What elements are those?

Two parents willing to undertake the responsibility of a child, and glad to do so. More than most offspring are granted.

[She nodded slowly, attention dropping to her mug again.] That's unfortunate, [she murmured, though focusing on the conversation was growing harder. Losing Elizabeth had been like losing a part of herself, and this month had been like scraping over an old wound.]

You mentioned the TARDIS was a mother. How?

[Video] (Dated to after everything is over)

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