Humor is also a way of saying something serious. - TS Eliot

"The planet is called Newfoundland? That's an odd name for a planet..." Ace said, hands jammed into her jacket pockets as she trailed after the Professor.

"How is it odd? Of course it's not the original name of the planet. There's a few clicks and something that sounds like what happens after a badly digested bit of fish in it, but the settlers named it Newfoundland to feel at home. That's frequently what humans do, name a place for the place they once lived in to invoke a sense of belonging. Clasping onto whatever similarities remind them of what they came from all the while experiencing something new all thanks to a few choice words"

He rather liked the quaint little planet of Newfoundland. It wasn't one of those that was outwardly too perfect yet held a dark and seedy secret that permeated the people and structures with an inescapable sense of evil. While those were fun as well (mostly for the joy of exposing them for the farces that they were) it was nice just to run across a place that was honestly what it seemed to be, that could be taken for face value. It had its rich people and it had its poor people, its subtle classes and castes and unfortunate discrimination that was either overblown or whitewashed into obscurity. It had its art and its music and its free speech and its encroachments on the ideals of freedom, its parties and its celebrities and its figures of note.

It was pretty much Earth without being Earth and contained everything he enjoyed about humanity. Especially here in the city, where you could still catch a whiff of the old school of Bohemian thought. Music drifting through the air, the smell of food from cafes and open air restaurants and vending stands, the peals of laughter from comedy halls where people went to smile again after a long week of work.

"We could have just gone back to Earth you know," Ace said, staring up the side of a tall brick building. She didn't understand this particular trip. Sure, the flying vehicles were neat but she'd seen those before. She'd seen most of these things before and many of the big cities on Earth had spots like this. What was so special about this one?

Almost immediately she chided herself for asking. Of course there was something special about this. He was just being cagey about it, as usual.

"Ace, you do a lot of good work. It's time that you got some exposure for it." He placed a hand on her shoulder, beaming a nonsensical grin that she predicted spelled nothing but trouble for her and everyone else involved. "We're going to go on holotransmission tonight."

"Oi! This better not be like the time you got it in your head to run away and join the circus!" She gave him a very serious look. "I don't want to have an android's hands that close to my throat again."

"Oh no, no, you'll be far away from everyone and I won't let you out of my sight," he promised, leading her toward one of the buildings that had a line around the side. Of course, he had no intention of standing in that line, he was obviously going to find his own way in. Which was one of his more endearing characteristics. She hated lines.

"Might as well have a little fun with it, then. What's the catch?"

"We have to convince them to give up a snack food." He reached in his pocket and pulled out- a rubber chicken. No, that wasn't what he wanted. He hung his umbrella off his arm and stalled near the corner of the building. Jelly babies? Where did these keep coming from. He popped it in his mouth and kept looking. A ball of yarn. A cricket ball, dear heavens he didn't have the attention span for that any more. A wrench, just a regular human one. He should hang onto that. What was he looking for? Oh, this! He held up a plastic wrapped little goody, brightly coloured and spangled with sugary colourful bits. "The Mother Mallard Tasty Treat and Dessert. A hodgepodge of unhealthy chemicals and carnal sugary delight that on the surface appears to be your usual feel good snack food."

"Oh my gosh, Professor!" Ace grabbed his jacket. She yanked him close, nose to nose, expression contorted in faux earnestness. He made a strange noise of surprise at the gesture and dropped his umbrella. That was pretty gratifying; it was always nice to take him by surprise.

"...Doctor." He corrected, finally. Almost stammering.

"Is Mother Mallard's Tasty whatever they were... made of people?"

And he was silent for a tick too long. "...Not human people, anyway."

"AHHHRGH!" She shoved back, slinging her hands as if she'd gotten something disgusting on them. "I was joking! What if I'd eaten one!"

"I wouldn't have let you!"

"Professor!"

"Doctor!"

"We have to tell these people! We have to stop this, it's disgusting!" She batted the plastic wrapped snack out of his hands, to which he simply stared at and wriggled his empty fingers before picking up his umbrella again.

"I'm planning to! That's what we're doing here."

"So we're going to go in there and tell everyone what they're eating! Right?"

"So a bunch of innocent workers might be lynched by angry and disgusted mobs? Certainly not. No...." The Doctor motioned again for Ace to follow him as he made his way to the back exit of the building, leaning to check for a guard. No, none. Good! Excellent. Too easy. Just the way things ought not to be. He pressed the tip of the umbrella against the lock and started working to get them inside. "Besides, people know but they don't really know. They don't realize what they're eating comes from anything sentient. It's a particular type of native fruit- it seems innocent enough. They simply don't know what they've been doing."

"Then what do you plan to do?"

"Remember what I mentioned concerning the names of places? How when you move somewhere new- back up a bit, I need to use my foot- that humans will name things for where they've been? It's a reminder. Similarly, if we place a disgusting or disturbing if humorous image in their heads concerning the snacks, then no one will eat them."

"Ah!" Ace said brightly, prying the door open with a creak as he managed to get the lock off. "Like that movie with the doll that killed people, and then people stopped buying the dolls it was based off of?"

"You've got the right idea, but I don't believe that was supposed to be humorous, Ace."

"I thought it was funny."

"Struck me a little too close to home, but lets see if we can at least keep this entertaining in the least destructive way possible, shall we?"

Character: The Seventh Doctor
Fandom: Doctor Who
Word Count: 1,158
Notes: Based off no Ace in particular. Also I think I settled on a journal theme finally, so less random changes now.