[Narvin wants to protest the statement about Dallas being a good lad, but even he's not *quite* so tactless as to speak ill of the dead. Sometimes. So he tries to think of a good experience instead, something from before the Barge. He has to think far back to find one that isn't tainted with vindictiveness or failure.]

The night I finished at the Academy my whole cohort went to Low Town to...cavort. [Enjoy the image of Narvin attempting to cavort.] We hadn't much cared for each other while in classes, the competition for the best grades had been fierce, but since we were all leaving, all going our separate ways, adults now, proper Time Lords, it seemed right to come together one last time. For that night we were almost like friends.

I remember going right up to the edge of the dome and pressing my my hands against it, and marvelling at how unexpectedly warm it was.

[There was more to that excursion as well to make it memorable. Trying black market Dalek juice and getting into a fight with a Shobogan, among other things. Getting all the remains of his youthful misbehaving out in one night so he could spend the next thousand years properly dignified and solemn like a good Time Lord. But there was only so much he was going to tell the Doctor. (At least while sober.)]

I recall how warm it was living outside of the domes. Mt. Lung had wonderful forests.

[He hates that he's going to destroy that world one day. It's slowly starting to settle in that he's not going to be able to avoid it in a bizarre sort of acceptance.]

I was loomed in the Capitol. A small, not very notable House. I'd never been outside the domes.

You climbed a fair distance to get where you are then. Quite a feat for someone from our world. Even Capitol born, smaller houses don't have much standing. You should be proud.

[Yes, he'll be nice and even give Narvin a compliment for climbing their government. He might hate government, but where they're from the accomplishment is significant.]

[Narvin will never ever turn down ego strokes.]

It was obvious to anyone, including Vansell, that I was vastly smarter than an average CIA spook.

...But I also had a few lucky breaks. Those certainly helped.

[Lucky for him. Not so lucky for the planet of Minyos.]

If you don't mind, I have to ask you something. [And it's a difficult question. And spoils the mood, but he needs to go there.]

Have you forgiven me yet, for what I'll have to do one day. I don't want to. I find it reprehensible and repugnant, and betrays every moral fiber of my current being.

But you're very much a man of Gallifrey and have always been. And if you can forgive Braxiatel for doing what he simply felt was necessary... I'd very much like to know if you'd forgive me as well, with the knowledge that I do not want to have to do this.

[Narvin wasn't expecting that question. It would be easy to lie. Or to snark. But the Doctor deserves a real answer, so he seeks it in his mind.]

I don't know. I know I don't hate you for it anymore. Or you. [He says the pronoun in Gallifreyan. Plural. Future tense.] Forgiveness...

The universe and causality had to be saved. That's our sworn duty as Time Lords. That Gallifrey had to be destroyed to accomplish that...

It's not a choice I could make. I hope I never have to make one like it.

I still live in hope that perhaps Gallifrey is not wholly doomed. Perhaps Braxiatel's stolen biodata archive is still out there somewhere. Perhaps some Gallifreyans escaped the destruction.

[Then his distant, thoughtful mien vanishes and he returns to his usual sharp expression and the usual repression to hide his feelings of loss. He forgives the Doctor, but he doesn't want to appear *soft*.]

If forgiveness from me of all people is that important to you, then I suppose I can offer it. It costs me nothing.

I don't know who else besides Braxiatel would give it to me, and I believe he has a genetic obligation to do so. Just as I to him.

I think genetic closeness is overrated. But since you seem legitimately fond of him for some reason, and he of you...I take your point.

[He switches to Gallifreyan.]

I forgive you.

[The tense makes it clear that it's forgiveness for something he will have done but hasn't yet.]

Edited 2012-02-09 08:54 am (UTC)

Less that he's a genetic relation, and more that he's the fellow that planted my first set of Röntgen blocks in front of me in the nursery.

[There's another quiet moment.]

Thank you. I appreciate that.