Yeah. I'm fine. Right back on the wagon. I mean, I hooked up with someone too, that doesn't mean I'm gonna go cheating on Claire now.

Excellent. However, that still doesn't tell me how you died.

[He folds his arms and looks at him curiously.] I'm not accusing anyone, considering we weren't ourselves. But it can't possibly be a comfortable matter to reflect on.

I got stabbed. It-- ow-- [He shifts, wincing.] It happens. Right? Good pirate, bad pirate, someone gets a knife through the ribs.

[His own words trip him up, though, and he frowns. 'Good pirate'... had that him really been seeing himself as the good guy?] Or... bad pirate and slightly less bad pirate. Whatever.

Morality isn't very simple, contrary to popular opinion. He had quite a lot of pressures in his life- I can safely assume that from the environment and time period alone.

We'll just call him the "better" pirate, then. Do you want a water or something of the carbonated variety?

Water's fine.

[He's quiet for a beat, and when he speaks again, he knows how transparent it is... But whatever, he feels terrible, maybe he doesn't feel like being cagey about it. He's not quite looking at the Doctor, though.] Guy was a boozer, whored around, stole, cheated, smuggled... Maybe even killed people, being a pirate and all. Or would have done. You still want to talk about the pressures...?

Edited (lol wtf completely wrong icon) 2012-03-22 09:46 am (UTC)

Pressures. They do exist and not everyone deals with them the way they ought to. When did he frequently have clothes on his back? How many aches and pains did the alcohol distract him from? Did the women he sleep with give him some illusion of affection? It's not right. But sometimes someone becomes so mired in a way of life that finding a way out of it is like searching through a maze blindfolded.

[He returns with the water.] There's sandwiches as well, if your stomach soon settles.

And if he just did those things 'cause he wanted to? That make it better or worse? [He takes the water with a little nod of thanks, but his eyes still aren't quite meeting the other man's as he drinks.]

Was he satisfied with everything that he did? [He doesn't mind him evading eye-contact. He just pulls up a chair to sit and read for now.]

...What if he was? What does that mean?

Edited 2012-03-22 11:05 am (UTC)

Then someone needed to encourage him to become dissatisfied with it. But if he wasn't, if he simply wanted to feel good in a world that surrounded him with blackness and misfortune, maybe he had yet to realize that there were other ways one could find satisfaction.

[Though he'd very much like to know what it was that Jesse thought it meant.]

And what if it wasn't about that? [Now he does look up, putting the water aside, looping his arms around his knees.] I mean, the guy had a crew to look out for, he had a captain to look up to. He had bills, debts, expenses. What's it matter how he feels about it? Maybe he was doing what he figured he needed to do to get by.

You just said that he had a crew to look out for, bills and expenses he intended to see to, a captain that he wanted to be loyal to. These aren't the traits of a terrible person. But a person can inevitably do better than just getting by. He probably could have.

Yeah? He had fat stacks, people, a job he liked... Seems like he was doing pretty good up until the end, right?

It seems like he was a good man that took a very wrong path that ended up getting him killed. Which, doesn't even make it "getting by" in the end, I don't think.

[Jesse's had enough -- his tone has been even, almost flat throughout the whole conversation, but now he snaps, with a knife edge:] Or maybe it ain't all that simple.

What do you want me to tell you, that someone who has done bad thing can never be someone who's good? That they're not important. That they deserve to be hated. That they deserve to die? [He snaps back.]

Or maybe people make choices, and maybe sometimes that means people do bad things for the right reasons and maybe sometimes it doesn't. And maybe, just maybe, some people are sick of all the poor-bastard-led like astray bullshit this place serves up, like no one who's ever given a shit was still an asshole! Hey, yo, newsflash, doctor: the world ain't like that.

No, sometimes people make easy choices. Because they're getting by. It doesn't make them sick. It deoesn't make them evil. It makes it a choice, and not a simple one. "Yes, this is familiar. I'll do it." That's not sick, that just picking what they know and sticking to it. And the more you convince yourself of that, the more you're going to have to tell that little girl she's sick and makes bad choices because of that, and not because her life has been a battlefield.

What? What are you talking about?

I'll put it this way. Some people on board could stand to make better choices if they have the choice to do so, especially those with the capacity to still care and be cared for in return. [He goes to put some tylenol and aspirin beside of Jesse's bed in a small plastic cup. The aspirin he takes a lot of care not to touch.]

No, wait, what little girl? Are you talking about Cat? What's she got to do with anything? [He ignores the medication, staring narrowly at the Doctor.] That's not the same at all. She doesn't know any better. He did.

You have an example to set. She sees herself as knowing better. [And he gives her a lot of credit for being intelligent.] Do you really want a child like her to have it confirmed that some life is less valuable than others?

[He flushes, sitting up a little straighter.] Hey, what do you think I tell her? I'm trying to get her to put down the damn sword, not pick it up again. I don't talk to her like this. She still thinks I'm sick.

Why does she think you're sick?

Because I didn't want to tell her I was coming down from meth, genius.