It might. But in the end, he knows you're jealous of her. And now he knows she died because someone else couldn't stand her being in the picture.

Walter White was there the night she died, and he did nothing to save her.

[Well, that shuts her right the hell up. She's quiet for so long, it might be she didn't hear him, but judging from the way she won't meet the Doc's eyes, it's safe to assume every word hit her. Hard.]

I'm a horrible person, right? Because I hear her name and...[shakes her head, licks her lips.] I'm not jealous of her, it's that...he'll always love her more. I won't ever, I don't want to say I won't ever be good enough, but I won't ever be Jane. At least I had closure, but Jesse...and now to hear it was like that? This won't ever go away.

[Claire sighs and finally looks at him.] It was why Jason decided we couldn't date anymore. Because of his dead person. I...

[But she can't think of anything else to say that isn't selfish or doesn't beat herself up more.]

It's not that you're a horrible person. [He sits, himself.] I think Jesse truly, dearly wishes to have someone love him completely unselfishly at the moment. With all the bitterness and mistrust, he's exhausted. He just wants to be safe to feel something.

I've had many companions, and despite what you say? You never love two people in precisely the same way. He can't love her more than you, because she's someone else, and you're you.

But... you're also a young woman under quite a bit of strain, and it's difficult to be his friend when he's in this state, very well his lover. His temperament is making him abusive and unsavoury. I do think it can improve, but I don't think you should have to suffer through it for that liberating moment if you don't love him that much.

[If she does, though...]

[She narrows her eyebrows and practically glares at him, snapping:] How could you say that? Of course I love him that much, it's killing me, I love him that much! I wouldn't ask him to come home with me if I didn't want to be with him, I wouldn't be trying so damn hard to help him.

[He's not angry. He just looks at her.] I don't mean it like you don't. It's just quite a bit for someone to have to put up with. But if you do, I think he will improve.

[She shakes her head and lo and behold, she's crying again.] It's too much, Doctor, I can't...he just screams at me, every time, all the time. I can't talk to anyone, because he thinks I'm talking shit, I can't ask anything, because he thinks I want every answer ever about his life, I can't cry, because that pisses him off.

[She draws in a shaky breath, angrily rubbing at her eyes.] He doesn't want me around, he made that clear. And he's pretty dead-set on nothing's going to change. Said that one at least twice. [Bitter laugh.] Oh, no, sorry, he yelled that, too.

[This time he sits nearer to her, offers her an arm for a hug. When something hurts this much? She needs to share it. And he's not sure if she told anyone. Or had even let it all out.

But she looks like she needs to have a good cry on someone's shoulder.]

[It's the kindness and the contact that undoes her. She turns into the Doctor (poor man, everyone yelling and crying at him) and practically clings to him, too consumed in her sadness to formulate sentences.

After some time, she's able to at least pull herself together to murmur:] We....broke up.

[But for as long as he'll let her stay, Claire remains wrapped around the Time Lord. She sniffles and wipes away all the nasty, continuing:] Yesterday or...I don't know, it hurts every time I think about, so I don't. I try not to.

Edited (icon) 2012-06-09 01:37 pm (UTC)

It's perfectly natural. It hurts when someone you love is angry with you, and Jesse is quite the expert at the defensive hurtful tongue. He's lived a life on the street, away from people that would care about him. It's defensive- I'm not certain he's always aware of it.

[He leans his chin on her head, and keeps his arms loosely around her so she can stay or pull back when she likes.]

Would you rather have him back?

[It describes him perfectly, but then the Doctor, hell all of them, were always vastly intelligent. And his Warden to boot.]

I don't think he is. Aware, I mean. You can sometimes see it, though, in the cracks? When he realizes he's hurting people again. But that gets him angry and it starts all over again.

[She shudders a sigh and slips out of his embrace, her look conveying thanks enough before it contorts into seriousness once more.]

It's still fresh, but...we talked about kids before. And what we would do when he got old. I assumed that meant marriage or something close enough. So...yeah. I think I do. When he's not like this, he's happy around me. And I haven't found anyone who appreciates me as much as he does in the way I need it. The way I want it.

[He sighs. This is difficult.]

A long time ago, I prevented a young lady travelling with me from realizing a love. I've regretted it since. [He doubts he'll forgive himself for the way he went about it.] But... I've also been overeager in encouraging people to form romantic partnerships, to find salvation in love.

I think he can, though. I think love can truly save him.

But I don't want to encourage you in something that might be detrimental to you. I want you both to be happy- you... are most assuredly not happy now though. [Hm. He rubs his hand over his mouth as he thinks, and them taps his finger knowingly at an unseen thread of probability in the air.]

I'll help you in what you decide to do- for his sake, really. Pursuing someone not interested, or harbouring hatred for her won't do him much good. Reuniting with someone that merely wants to love him would do him benefit as well.

Edited 2012-06-11 04:12 am (UTC)

But. Was it because you thought it was right at the time? Like you weren't good enough or she deserved better or something? [Because she can relate.]

[She blinks owlishly at him, canting her head a fraction to the right.] You'll help me? Can you see...if he would even still want to? Because I'm not ready to give up, yet. Unless he's done, then as soon as Mr Pink Graduates, I'm leaving.

I'll talk to him about it. Give him the necessary nudge. [He gives her another hug, just one more for the reassurance, and then lets go.]

As for the young woman I was referring to, there was quite a bit to it. But a lot of it had to do with me not wanting to be alone.

[Claire smiles in relief, and it's small, but at least it's genuine. She returns the hug more calmly this time, her breathing becoming more steady. If anyone can convince Jesse, it was the Doctor.]

You're immortal, too, right?